jlm-blog
~jlm

27-Jan-2020

My name is Mary, and I’m an electraholic

Filed under: humor — mary @ 20:59

Hi, I’m Mary and I’m an electron addict. I’ve been sustainable for 52 days.

I’d like to share my story. I first began to understand the gravity of my problem during the PG&E blackout in late October. For many of my friends it was an inconvenience, but for me it was an intervention. Within the first 24 hours I began to experience cravings. I craved hot coffee, hot water, any water, hot food; light to read by, light to find the bathroom, terrible TV shows, even terrible news. I became irritable, annoyed with my dog, my husband, even our cat just for being alive and invisible in the dark. I was anxious and jittery. How long could they legally turn power off? Where was the PUC when we needed them? Had Cliff repaired the voltage regulator on our generator correctly or were all our motors being ruined? Why did fires still start when power was supposedly shut off? How could we ever escape this dark prison?

Four and a half days I suffered acute withdrawal symptoms, and then, power was restored. I couldn’t wait to start using. I e-mailed. I showered. I washed and watered and cooked. The endorphins flowed. As frail woman I could wash clothes, send my thoughts across miles, provide hot food for my family and bring water to a parched garden with such ease. The electrons were my slaves.

At the end of the day I went to bed exhausted, but not at ease. I clutched the remote, never wanting the sound and light to stop. I fretted about my supply of electrons. I needed to recharge more batteries and stash more water. Another intervention could occur anytime. I ordered a better generator/inverter on Amazon. I emailed Tesla. What I needed was a fourteen thousand dollar wall of batteries. That Tesla wall looked so lovely in the advertisement. All the precious electrons generated by our solar array could be safely stored there.

Still I could not sleep. Thank God for EA. The ad popped up just after I left the Tesla site. I called and my life changed. My wonderful sponsor helped me to let go and trust my higher power. She helped me see how I had harmed the planet and future generations while using. I accepted Mother Nature as my higher power and my sponsor helped me see Mother Nature’s generous hand in the golden persimmons and scarlet pomegranates, the change of seasons and the arrival of an atmospheric river. My sponsor helped me live sustainably.

Still, as I mentioned, I am a fragile woman. My hands tremble at the dimming of the day. I come here with an urgent need for a sponsor. My first sponsor, my beacon of hope and true north, relapsed on Thanksgiving. Her family refused to believe that a solar cooker nestled in the snow could roast a turkey and sadly they were right.

[ This awesome story is by guest blogger Mary Myers.   — JLM ]

8-Oct-2014

Colloidal suspension of disbelief

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 20:01

Numi makes decent enough herb teas, but their “100% real ingredients” teabag tag always strikes me as weird.

Real ingredients.  100%.  Nothing else.

What’s the alternative? Fictional ingredients?

Ingredients: cinnamon, orange peel, cloves, hibiscus, allspice, ginger, Melange, phoenix down, ice nine, caloric, kryptonite, phlebotinum, vibranium powder, dragon scales, dried minotaur blood, mithril, nebulium, phlogiston, dilithium crystals, pigeon teeth, elan vital, roc talon, unicorn horn (not narwhal — we have some class!), luminiferous ether, dehydrated Atlantis spring water

24-May-2014

Do not use for lunch

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 10:27

Safeway advertisement

11-Sep-2012

Getting Assange out of the embassy

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 21:41

Julian Assange is holed up in Ecuador’s embassy in London, which is basically equivalent to being under house arrest, making Ecuador’s granting of asylum somewhat moot. Usually in these situations, embassy staff will hustle the asylum seeker out in a diplomatic car, but the Ecuadorian embassy doesn’t have on-grounds parking, so those few feet of British-jurisdiction sidewalk between the embassy door and the street are causing him much consternation. How might he leave the embassy grounds?

1) Stick diplomatic plates on one of these bad boys and have him step into its cab from a balcony or roof.
Hertz lifter

2) In Europe, fugitive rapists get to walk free if they’re famous filmmakers. Assange is already famous, so all he has to do is make a movie, and he can be confident the court will reverse itself on extraditing him.

3) A bunch of helium balloons will lift a lawn chair and occupant, so he can wait for a strong wind blowing to the southeast and float away to France.

I’m confident this advice will help Assange achieve his freedom!

15-Aug-2010

P vs. NP

Filed under: humor, math — jlm @ 14:37

So, Vinay Deolalikar has a purported proof that P ≠ NP here. But there must be some error, because I just came up with this simple proof that P = NP !
(If you think “joke proof” sounds like an oxymoron, you can stop reading here.)

Let W(m) ➙ s be a member of NP.
Let X(m; n) ➙ s be the first n symbols of W(m). X is obviously in NP.
So, X has a verifier V(m; n; s) in P.
We can find the first symbol t1 of an output of W(m) by trying V(m; 1; c1), V(m; 1; c2), … for all the symbols ci in the alphabet.
We can find the second symbol t2 by trying V(m; 2; t1c1), V(m; 2; t1c2), etc.
And so on for all the symbols t3, t4, … in the output of W(m).
Finding each symbol takes c calls to V, where c is the alphabet size, a constant. Each call of V takes polynomial time, so we can calculate each individual symbol in polynomial time.
The length of the output of W(m) is necessarily polynomial in ∥m∥, so we have a polynomial number of symbols, each calculable in polynomial time, so we can calculate the entirety of W(m) in polynomial time, so W ∈ P.
P=NP. QED

6-Mar-2009

Laugh of the day

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 18:17

Onion headline: “CIA Awkwardly Debriefs Obama On Creation Of Crack Cocaine”

31-Jul-2008

A-A-B-B-A

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 12:40

I’ll give you up only when the sun’s cold
And my hurting you is forbode
    Shan’t ever run aroun’
    Nor ever let you down
You’ve just been limerickrolled.

4-Mar-2008

Song chart

Filed under: humor, math — jlm @ 20:18

I recently was amused by the “song chart” meme, so decided to give it a try.

[Chart]

10-Oct-2005

Why to wear shoes, II

Filed under: biking, humor — jlm @ 07:17

[photo of my shoes]

30-Sep-2005

Ping!

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 14:19

This review of The Story about Ping made me (literally) laugh out loud.

[book cover art]

[link to amazon.com review]

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