jlm-blog
~jlm

8-Oct-2014

Colloidal suspension of disbelief

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 20:01

Numi makes decent enough herb teas, but their “100% real ingredients” teabag tag always strikes me as weird.

Real ingredients.  100%.  Nothing else.

What’s the alternative? Fictional ingredients?

Ingredients: cinnamon, orange peel, cloves, hibiscus, allspice, ginger, Melange, phoenix down, ice nine, caloric, kryptonite, phlebotinum, vibranium powder, dragon scales, dried minotaur blood, mithril, nebulium, phlogiston, dilithium crystals, pigeon teeth, elan vital, roc talon, unicorn horn (not narwhal — we have some class!), luminiferous ether, dehydrated Atlantis spring water

24-May-2014

Do not use for lunch

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 10:27

Safeway advertisement

11-Sep-2012

Getting Assange out of the embassy

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 21:41

Julian Assange is holed up in Ecuador’s embassy in London, which is basically equivalent to being under house arrest, making Ecuador’s granting of asylum somewhat moot. Usually in these situations, embassy staff will hustle the asylum seeker out in a diplomatic car, but the Ecuadorian embassy doesn’t have on-grounds parking, so those few feet of British-jurisdiction sidewalk between the embassy door and the street are causing him much consternation. How might he leave the embassy grounds?

1) Stick diplomatic plates on one of these bad boys and have him step into its cab from a balcony or roof.
Hertz lifter

2) In Europe, fugitive rapists get to walk free if they’re famous filmmakers. Assange is already famous, so all he has to do is make a movie, and he can be confident the court will reverse itself on extraditing him.

3) A bunch of helium balloons will lift a lawn chair and occupant, so he can wait for a strong wind blowing to the southeast and float away to France.

I’m confident this advice will help Assange achieve his freedom!

15-Aug-2010

P vs. NP

Filed under: humor,math — jlm @ 14:37

So, Vinay Deolalikar has a purported proof that P ≠ NP here. But there must be some error, because I just came up with this simple proof that P = NP !
(If you think “joke proof” sounds like an oxymoron, you can stop reading here.)

Let W(m) ➙ s be a member of NP.
Let X(m; n) ➙ s be the first n symbols of W(m). X is obviously in NP.
So, X has a verifier V(m; n; s) in P.
We can find the first symbol t1 of an output of W(m) by trying V(m; 1; c1), V(m; 1; c2), … for all the symbols ci in the alphabet.
We can find the second symbol t2 by trying V(m; 2; t1c1), V(m; 2; t1c2), etc.
And so on for all the symbols t3, t4, … in the output of W(m).
Finding each symbol takes c calls to V, where c is the alphabet size, a constant. Each call of V takes polynomial time, so we can calculate each individual symbol in polynomial time.
The length of the output of W(m) is necessarily polynomial in ∥m∥, so we have a polynomial number of symbols, each calculable in polynomial time, so we can calculate the entirety of W(m) in polynomial time, so W ∈ P.
P=NP. QED

6-Mar-2009

Laugh of the day

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 18:17

Onion headline: “CIA Awkwardly Debriefs Obama On Creation Of Crack Cocaine”

31-Jul-2008

A-A-B-B-A

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 12:40

I’ll give you up only when the sun’s cold
And my hurting you is forbode
    Shan’t ever run aroun’
    Nor ever let you down
You’ve just been limerickrolled.

4-Mar-2008

Song chart

Filed under: humor,math — jlm @ 20:18

I recently was amused by the “song chart” meme, so decided to give it a try.

[Chart]

10-Oct-2005

Why to wear shoes, II

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 07:17

[photo of my shoes]

30-Sep-2005

Ping!

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 14:19

This review of The Story about Ping made me (literally) laugh out loud.

[book cover art]

[link to amazon.com review]

18-Jul-2005

How Star Wars should have ended

Filed under: humor — jlm @ 18:27

“How it Should Have Ended” has a great parody on how Star Wars should have ended. Had me laughing out loud. The other movies there are pretty mediocre.

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